Waywards Wandering – Chapter 4: Knowing Everything, A Screen Shot For Every Post

AD&D Pools of Radiance screen shot
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Pools of Radiance (PC version) – Unlike the NES version of this game, the Commadore 64, Atari St, and PC versions allowed you to customize the character portraits and map icons. They also supported trans gendered characters. :) This dwarf is hot!

I’m changing the post format so I will be giving you a screen shot of something wonderful every post (likely a video game scene). I was dedicating whole posts to many at a time, but why not hoard them and let them trickle out so you may appreciate each one like the work of art it is?

Now continues the story of a large walking lizard and his pet monk. Click here to see all of the story so far.

– – – – –

That morning Kanji and Deathwish stood outside the temple packed for the road. They were now well rested and well fed. Father Salane was also generous enough to donate supplies and a small sum of money from the temple stores. Father Salane in turn charged that they help rid the world of its ills and watch over Lashea.

Where is she? At this rate we’ll loose the whole morning, Deathwish had begun the morning in high spirits but was fast growing irritated as his shadow grew shorter.

Kanji started to open his mouth in Lashea’s defense, but quickly stopped. Kanji could imagine that leaving home for the first time was difficult, as he remembered doing it himself many years ago. He could understand why Lashea was late, trying to say goodbye to everyone and everything she knew perhaps forever.

On the other hand, Deathwish wouldn’t understand such a comment if Kanji had made it, since he never got a chance to say goodbye to his home before being torn from it and plunged into this world. Kanji stood as Deathwish paced, silently praying to Brihaad. He opened his eyes when he finally heard the temple doors open and slam shut.

“Sorry I’m late,” huffed Lashea jogging to Kanji’s side, “I underestimated how long it would take me to pack,” On Lashea’s back was a huge, bulging backpack that looked as if it were about to rip under the strain of its contents. Packed aside it was her large sword, on top were rolled blankets, and pots and pans attached jangling at her side. From her belt she sported three large belt pouches which jangled and bounced off her thighs as she jogged up to her new companions.

“What’s that horrible smell?” she asked coming to stand by Kanji and Deathwish.

Kanji sighed and glanced at Deathwish, not even having to hear his unhappy thoughts. He then smiled at Lashea as kindly as he could manage and pointed at her back, “Um, what’s all of this?”

“They are my things, of course,” replied Lashea, confused.

“Lashea,” Kanji put on a gentle tone, “we’re going to be traveling a long way on foot. You’re not going to want to carry all of that. I’m sure there are things in there that you don’t need.”

Lashea bristled at what she interpreted as a condescending tone. She strode up to Kanji, and purposely looked down at him at an exaggerated angle being a full head taller than the monk, “I think I’m more than capable at determining what I do and don’t need. All I have are my clothes, books, bedding, money, food, eating utensils, dishes, pots, soap, hairbrush-”

Two rules: you carry it. If you can’t, you leave it behind without complaint, Deathwish turned away and started walking down the steps of the temple, his claws clicking on the stone, pulling his cowl into place.

Kanji looked up at Lashea, “Just consider how you would fight a monster so encumbered.”

Lashea merely stared at that point, brows furrowed, arms crossed, “Well, I’d put the pack down of c-”

While the monster waited for you to be ready! Speaking of monsters waiting for people to be ready, let’s get a move on, shall we?

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Lashea muttered, her face bright red with anger or embarrassment, Kanji was not sure. She turned around and rushed back into the temple. Kanji heard a chuckle coming from up above and looked up to see Clavus laughing and shaking his bald head.

“Be patient with her, you two. Remember, none of us started out knowing everything. That took some time.”

Kanji digested the irony of his words and realized they were likely aimed at the annoyed Deathwish who walked, talons clicking, back up the temple stairs. Kanji smiled and nodded at the plump priest and waited for Lashea, Deathwish remaining silent and managing to stand still.

Inspirational Video Game Quotes

Monkey Island I: The Secret of Monkey Island
I know everyone is all ‘up on’ the “All your base are belong to us” bandwagon, but the list of wonderfully bad (by bad, I mean good) video game quotes is long. I have read it over the years on my television and computer screens and laughed until everyone around me was embarrassed for me. I’ve picked a few games and a few favorites from those games.
Final Fantasy 3 SNES (6 Playstation) Locke Cole“Some of these are mistranslated, badly translated, or just products of brain damaged programmers (or translators, or both). Enjoy!



Yeah, this kid seems loaded for bear.” said about Terra who is using magic.

-Locke Cole, Final Fantasy VI (III US), SNES & PSX


Earthbound: SNES
“Knights do it two-handed.”

– townsman, Final Fantasy V, PSX


“This isn’t a leotard, it’s our combat uniform!”

– various amazon warriors of Toroia, Final Fantasy IV (II US), SNES & PSX


Final Fantasy 4 Play Station (2 SNES) Tellah speaking to Edward
“There are secrets where faeries don’t live.”

– old man, The Legend of Zelda, NES


“Whoah, are you still playing this thing?” said at the last level.

– Bubsy, Bubsy, SNES (note: not written on screen, but said)

Legend of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (NES)“Even a door of this caliber can’t keep science at bay!”

– Lucca, Chrono Trigger, SNES



“No rubbish for Ayla, or head go boom!”

– Ayla, Chrono Trigger, SNES

Final Fantasy I: NES
“I’d rather have my gums scraped!”

– The Girl (main character), Secret of Mana, SNES



“Don’t be a tuna head.”

– Fred, Maniac Mansion, Atari ST & PC



“Grass green? I hate that color!”

– Bobbon, Loom, PC


King's Quest VI
“So you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a flooring inspector.”

– Blind Man, Monkey Island I: The Secret of Monkey Island, PC



“I’m looking for 30 dead guys and one woman.”

– Guybrush Threepwood, Monkey Island I: The Secret of Monkey Island, PC


Chrono Trigger: SNES

Guybrush: “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

Carpenter: “A woodchuck would chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.”

Guybrush: “But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood would a woodchuck chuck?”

Carpenter: “Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck chuck wood?”

Guybrush: “A woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.”

Carpenter: “Oh shut up.”

– Monkey Island II: LeChuck’s Revenge, PC


Earthbound: SNES in an elevator
“¡Madre de Dios! ¡Es el Pollo Diablo! (“Mother of God! It’s the Devil Chicken!”)” Guybrush, tarred and feathered, responds in Spanish, which makes it funnier.

– Guybrush Threepwood, Monkey Island III: The Curse of Monkey Island, PC



Earthbound: SNES with a COW
The screen shots (from the top) are:
Monkey Island I,
Earthbound (SNES),
Final Fantasy III (SNES) / VI (PSX),
Earthbound (again),
Final Fantasy II (SNES) / IV (PSX),
The Legend of Zelda: The Adventure of Link (NES),
Final Fantasy (NES),
King’s Quest VI (PC),
Chrono Trigger (SNES),
Earthbound (and again),
and Earthbound (yet again)



So, anyone like to share any of their own personal favorites? Try to tell us: who said it, what game, and what platform. Anyone can recite “All your base…”. I’m more interested in memories of a gamer’s greatest moments grimacing or guffawing at the ‘puter screen (or tv).

Life as a Text Adventure

Recently on Neopoleon, the blog of one Rory Blyth, Betsy Aoki brought up writing a ‘choose your own adventure’ game back in the day.

We all think that ‘back in the day’ is something grand whether we’re in our twenties or seventies. I remember text adventures and think, “Wow, that was great… playing Guild of Theives on the Atari ST!”. I might even have the Bank of Kerovnia account card and Kerovnia Guild of Discret Entry And Removal Operatives contract pasted in an old jounal somewhere. Bank of Kerovnia Account Card

Video games are fun and recreation. Often times a video gamer thinks to themselves “I wish life were more like a video game”. You have multiple lives, the reset button, gain experience and gold for beating things, magic, and strange old women/men in huts who give you things. Yes, life would be better with these video game elements.

But would life be better as a text adventure?

Let’s find out.

“You find yourself in your bedroom, awake, but groggy. Exits are to the north.”
Go north.
“That’s kind of hard considering you’re laying down.”
Get up.
“I do not understand.”
Go up.
“Do you think you have the powers of flight?”
Go out of bed.
“Ok.”
Go north.
“Ok.”
Look.
“You are in the live-in-kitchen. Your cat runs north. There is a laptop sitting on the counter. An Ethernet cable dangles nearby. Exits are to the north.”
Get laptop.
“I do not understand.”
Use laptop with Ethernet cable.
“Okay.”
Use laptop.
“You must open it first!”
Open laptop.
“Okay.”
Use laptop.
“You must turn it on first!”
Turn on laptop.
“I do not understand.”
Turn on laptop.
“I do not understand.”
Look laptop.
“The laptop is OPEN. There is a blank screen, keys, a touchpad, and an on/off button.”
Use on/off button.
“Okay.”
Look laptop.
“The laptop is OPEN. There is something displayed on the screen, keys, a touchpad, and an on/off button.”
Look screen.

Sans nostalgia, text adventures were nothing more than an exercise in frustration. Though I was taught about synonyms, spelling, and thinking/writing like a programmer, I am very glad I can now simply point and click characters to their destination or use the d-pad on a controller.

If life were really like a text adventure…

Jump out window.

“You must first open the window.”

Open window.

“Okay.”

Jump out window.

“Why would you want to do that?”

Go window.

“I do not understand.”

Use self with window.

“I do not understand.”