Jogging me Crazy

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Sometimes people and things think and act like they’re something they’re not. A dog thinks it’s a cat. A worrier acts like it’s cool. Bicyclists think they’re cars, but not ones that have to obey traffic signals.

In Southern MA today, joggers thought they were cars. There was no marathon for money or a race or anything. A few people in a little place known as Northbridge, MA just decided to jog in the main road going through the town. Sure, this is a small town, but it is the road that leads to the closest huge ass Walmart).

You might think to yourself that this is happening because many of these little towns have no sidewalks. This area, however, sported what appeared to be excellent sidewalks. I mean, they looked like they were functional. I didn’t try them out myself since I was in my truck. That would be a bit inappropriate, to use a sidewalk while in a truck. It would be about as inappropriate as say pedestrians jogging in the road.

So, why then would these pedestrians so take their lives into their own hands? It occurs to me that the confusion might stem from the word sidewalk. These suburbanites in their jogging gear, sunglasses, and caps might have thought they would offend the sidewalk’s sensibilities if they were to run on it instead of walk upon it. It would be as big a crime as if someone had walked on the ‘do not walk on the grass’ greenery, or loitered in front of the ‘no loitering sign’. A life of crime like that just isn’t worth it. It’s better to put your safety on the line and wiggle your tight toosh in front of my Ford F150.
world class track meet NES power pad

And let’s not offend any bicyclists by jogging in their little lane. No, let’s go out a bit in case *they* need to get by.

Yes, let us burn off our carbs, jogging two abreast, in the middle of the main road.

It’s okay if the cars and trucks need to go around us, over the yellow line. I’m sure the cars coming the other way won’t mind.

What? You think we should step up on the sidewalk so vehicles can go around?

Hey! We have rights. You ever hear of a little thing called the Constitution? You know the amendment that protects our right to be assholes? This is America, damn it!

Meanwhile, people like me wonder why these joggers can’t just stay home, hook up the power pad to their Nintendo Entertainment Center, and play World Class Track Meet.

  • SteveJ

    Everyone knows you can’t actually win at World Class Track Meet by running. Cheetah would smoke you. How would you describe the winning strategy…heel tapping? Hands work ok too, but sometimes you can’t get enough weight down (ok I couldn’t when I was 10).

    I was… walking (strolling) my 9 month old nephew this weekend and 80% of our neighborhood sidewalks were blocked by cars in their driveways. I can’t really talk, there’s no way we could fit a car in my garage, but I park on the street.

    Oh and here in Texas, I’m told that whoever has the biggest tires has right of way. So unless they were pushing some 24″ tires, you’re probably cool to run them down.

  • I always used my tip-toes to win at World Class Track Meet. I should stage a photo of me demonstrating my own method to success.

  • SteveJ

    Please do. Video would be even better, I’m sure! I think I finally gave up the power pad after the first 15 or so years of dragging it around. I do have two zappers and the NES Advantage, last I checked. I still need the Advantage to play Ninja Gaiden, the wall flips are too hard with a d-pad.

  • I have the power pad, a zapper, the multitap, the advantage, game genie, and a 3rd party top-loader NES. I wish I had all these things when I was younger and wanted them the most! The Advantage is also great for those few games you have to play 2-player and have no one to play with (like Bubble Bobble).

    I always wanted the glove or that robot thing. I heard they were both pretty useless, but I still would have liked to try ’em out.

    I’ll see what I can do about staging some awesome World Class Track Meet photos or short video in the future. I need to be in the zone to take on the Cheetah! …so stand by.

  • SteveJ

    R.O.B was the biggest let down ever. I never knew anyone with one when I was still little and could probably overlook it’s blatant stupidity. I finally “played” with one (after years of anticipation) when I was a teenager, and wow. It’s good for 2 games. They’re both stupid (ok maybe unnecesarily hard). I was reading up a bit last week, and basically it was key to nintendo’s strategy after the crash – sell a robot with some video toy thing attached.

    The power glove looked cool, and you could play just about any game on it (since it had a controller built in), so not as awful. It wasn’t cool enough to buy though, it came out around the same time as Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy, and I had priorities.

  • You have your priorities strait, for sure.