The itch evolves into a scream.
The following silence strikes
to the rhythm of your fast beating heart.
The echoes reverberate through your dream,
hopes laying in neat little rows,
exhausted dreams dismembered.
I wake and choke on the residue
of the half emptied, half remembered
remains fading into the dawn.
You are just not that special, attractive
but part of ninety percent of people,
and you’re the one who responds.
All of them are flaky, so I see you out of the four
friends that are only friends.
Even if they say they love me to the moon and back
I’m a backup- It’s only hyperbole,
because I too am not that special.
Drifting, trying to marshal my mind
Trying to force my mind into structure
Trying to manage
Trying to do.
So much death
So much impending death
So much pain.
Stretching across years.
I wield the power
Of reality written
I will mute the pain
I will Raft.
I will Hike.
I will Camp
I will live.
But people die.
And the pain does not.
I let fate knock again,
And it wouldn’t stop tapping
The same timber, cadence.
I fought against its rapping.
I told it I didn’t fear the unknown,
The inevitable, or the arranged.
Can fate listen or does it only beat
A single drop every day dances deranged?
I hold it true that we do what we must
But what is it that we must do,
And what masques as mere compelling
While else is need through and through?
Its easy the fall into need,
Pattern played out on the side of a wish
Only to realize how little one truly needs
Trapped only by that we fear not accomplish.
I’m supposed to understand your feigned confusion
at why I’ve moved on to try to find fusion,
find something that I thought we had until you ended.
I should stay solitary for you, ripped, raw, rendered.
I should let you play victim and pretend to play the victor.
My prize is that I lose you all over again, this time as a friend.
My reward is an uncertain something with a someone that could end.
Closer we fall inward to forever clutching fleeting faces
touching the nape of my neck and holding tender too tight.
Your teasing whispers testing passions, telling me it’s all right
saying all the while by your stance and smile
as we get closer, we can fade- things can change.
People drift and people flail, I look for footing but know I will fail
and fall again, the wind whipping past, looking to the past and bidding it not repeat.
I stand on two feet, fearing the fall, knowing the fall, seeing the fall
tipping to the edge and facing your face and taking your embrace and tumble
caress, holding to my breast a place and a feeling- comforting touch caring outside of time,
sensual touch taring and taking what’s mine,
together touch, taking steps as two equals together in time
fairing well in the silent hope that the weather will hold as we hold tight together under night.
We fold our fears in tight so their small packages are tucked in each others’ arms
out of sight and out of mind as we mind nothing but he banter and the bubbling over
the falls splashing down, the excitement plummets into the base of my stomach, creeping to my fingers, extending to touch your lips as they laugh ideas and smile sentiments into my ears.
Rolling down the rapids, drifting down the steady trickle not knowing if the current will bring us closer or carry us apart.